Totus Tuus: Vermont

     Here I sit at a little wooden desk drinking coffee in Shelburne, Vermont. More than once this summer I have found myself asking: "How did I get here?" "What am I doing?" and most importantly, "Where can I find more caffeine?"

     I have found it is painstakingly easy to miss the daily opportunities to experience miracles in our every day lives. So much of society is focused on sheer nothingness in a chaotic world that thrives on finding "the next big thing." We invent new ways of communicating with one another so that we do not have to go out of our way to spend quality time with those we love. We create for ourselves busy schedules that lack purpose and peace. We eat, drink, and play without really experiencing. Where did the passion go? When did I, and the world, close our eyes to the joy that comes from simply waking up alive?

     Every week I give a talk at a parish after Mass. For those of you who have done Totus Tuus, you know how monotonous and methodic this speech is. "I'm here with a program called 'Totus Tuus.' Totus Tuus is Latin for 'Totally Yours,' signifying that we are totally Jesus' through His Mother, Mary."  That triggers the craziness of the week with loud children and host dinners and GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. You find yourself praying in the morning because, well, it is part of your job description. Forever in a fishbowl, going through the motions. Forgetting miracles.

     I was teaching first and second graders last week. We talked about how Jesus, at the Mass, slips into His costume (the host and wine) at the consecration. One little boy asked me if he could take a picture. I said he could in his heart. As I skimmed over the kids at Mass that day, I saw his small fingers go up to his eyes at the consecration as if he were holding a camera. After Mass I asked him if he saw Jesus slip into His costume. "YEP! I put my camera on video." BOOM. Just like that. A seven year old reminded me of a daily miracle. 

     Being away from home has challenged me more than I ever dreamed possible. I miss my bed. I miss my roommates and friends. I miss my family. I miss my sweet "Jesus Bubble" that I had no idea existed before I stepped out of it. But all of that is nothing. Totus Tuus is exactly what it says it is... TOTALLY YOURS. Everything back home is His. Everything here in Vermont is His. None of this is mine. It was never mine to miss in the first place. I get to see my family and friends at Mass every day when Jesus steps into His costume... And THAT is a miracle.

     As per usual, this blog has been scatter-brained and long. For those of you who have been wondering how I am doing (MOM....), I am FINE. :) Vermont is lovely, my job is INCREDIBLE, and soon I will know how to drink my coffee black because I now need it every day. I cannot wait to be home and to more fully appreciate the beauty of The Good Life. Nebraska... I LOVE YOU. 

    I hate to admit this, but Jeff Schinstock was right when he said that I am not just DOING Totus Tuus this summer. I AM Totus Tuus this summer. I am living out what it means to trust fully in God's providence and care for my heart. This is something I will be challenging myself to do now for the rest of my life.

     "If I learned one thing from Mother Teresa it is this: You are nothing. I am nothing. We are simply fieldworkers for Christ."